Kindness in a Toxic Relationship

A woman who has struggled with a divided family for many years spoke up during a discussion about toxic relationships. She shared wise advice given by her aunt.  “Kill them with kindness.” In great delight, I burst out laughing. I knew exactly what her aunt was talking about. I knew it was a great and powerful truth. And I had used it often.

Have you ever experienced killing with kindness?  Have you been kind to a toxic person who hurts you over and over? Did you kindly act as if nothing has hurt or bothered you? Did you get the desired result?

How do you hold on to a safe family structure without returning to a toxic relationship? Is there a way to hold onto a relationship without allowing the other person’s toxicity to burn you? How do you kill with kindness, (the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate)? For most of us, kindness is to avoid responding to another person’s actions which are offensive to us.

In Relate Book, there is a list of 6 basic ways we can relate with someone through acts of kindness.

Why does this matter?

It is a lot of work to understand people, especially when they are toxic.  Sometimes we stumble upon why they are so toxic. Most times we work diligently to understand why they are so miserable.

Sometimes the answer never comes.

We want to know why they are so miserable. In our gut we know, the problem to be solved is never more important than the person to be loved.

Is it possible that when we are able to relate to another’s pain, the problems between us resolve themselves? Our hearts tell us this is possible. Sometimes we experience that miracle.

In that miraculous moment, you stand in someone else’s shoes and know life as they know it. Those moments are the ones we love experiencing over and over.  In that moment, we see them as the beautiful person their creator intended them to be. Because we see their beauty, we value ourselves.

When we see others as our Higher Power does, we are changed.  Our hearts are broken for them.  We seek to help them become what they were meant to be. Because we relate to them, we feel a love more beautiful than any other feeling we will ever have.

That is why it matters that we relate with others whose toxicity we must kill with kindness.

In Relate Book, there are simple ideas for you to experiment with. They will give you the opportunity to stand in someone else’s shoes.  They teach you kindness for others as you empower them to find value, fulfillment and success in their lives.