Great Expectations

When I introduced my fiancé to my father, he turned to me and gave me some advice.  “Some time in the next ten years you will wish you had never gotten married. Everyone experiences this.”  Under my breath and in my heart, my answer was, “Never!”

Within the first week of our marriage, I gritted my teeth and growled, “Never!” The problem? An argument about a matter of no consequence. We were arguing about arguing! I was not going to allow such a little, meaningless thing defeat me. I had no idea how.

My husband and I had not been prepared for the challenge we faced. In order to build a relationship worth having with the man I loved, we had to remove contention from our marriage and make conflict our friend.

38 years later, I cried this morning as I dropped my husband, Brad, off at the TRAX station for his commute to work. I wasn’t scared or sad or afraid. I felt peacefully happy. I cried because I had an overwhelming feeling of love for him.

People are complicated.  What worked for us will work for you, in a very different way.  In Relate Book, I share with you some possibilities that are flexible enough to use in the way that works best for you.  However, I must say right up front, they will not help you manipulate or abuse.  If they backfire on you, I suggest you get help looking deep into your own soul. Face and cleanse your own dark corners.

Such a sweet feeling of love and joy comes from a place of light; transparent and open honesty. When I weep for joy that I can feel that much love for him, I am in a safe place. I know I have learned to be safe for him and he has learned to be safe for me.

It hasn’t always been that way. Getting to this special place has been a journey. But this feeling is worth every feeling; every cost; every minute of suffering, short lived joy, labor and learning that we have both gone through to get to this point of great joy and affection in our relationship.

I am so grateful for the help and assistance which brought us to this point. I don’t know all the answers you will need. However, I know some of the possibilities I was taught along the way. They have worked well for many families.  Perhaps you can use what I share to have what you desire: great relationships in every part of your life.

No matter how long you have been married or in a partnership or a relationship, you can begin now to work toward an increased ability to empower the important people in your life.  The great feeling of joy/peace I experienced in that moment of separation, comes from empowering that special person in your life to become better than they ever dreamed they were capable of.

At the end of ten years of marriage my husband and I were just as deeply committed to each other. However, we understood we were not going to find answers in the usual places.  We knew we wanted to know what to learn, what to change. We may have made it through those ten years, however, we were still years from the answers we needed to create the marriage we wanted.

It is my hope that sharing Relate Book with you will help you find possibilities that work for you.  I think your perspective on life will never be the same. After 38 years of marriage, we continue to learn new things that help us every day.